We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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