i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
