you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
