So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
