you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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