Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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