I haven't been this sober since birth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
