Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
