i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
