OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
