i think my tv is drunk
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
