Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You can't just leave with hair like that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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