you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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