she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
