I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
