She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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