Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
