don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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