oh god the rape fog is back!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
