so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize