alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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