Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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