I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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