i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
