yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
