It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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