I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I CAN MOONWALK!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize