Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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