she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
