my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize