Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
