Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
