He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
