tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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