Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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