Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
