but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize