Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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