I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My vagina is very pro this idea
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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