So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize