yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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