I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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