Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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