i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
