Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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