would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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