Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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