i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
