I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
