I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I sprained my soul last night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When are your genitals available?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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