So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
