I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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