So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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