I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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