I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize