apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
