He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
