I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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