I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
