1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
