ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
soo... how was my night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
