well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
