those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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