Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
