im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
