Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
