look no pants
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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