Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
