Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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