Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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