dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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