cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
