I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
