Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
