Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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