K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
