I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
