woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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