so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
