so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
