Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
