I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
