paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
handjob tips. give me some.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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