dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
