actually, I'm a sock model
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
