sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
