He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
