Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
