Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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